Duke University Seminars Deconstruct “Toxic Masculinity”

By Aaron Grubbs on October 10, 2016

I have a lot to say (as I usually do) and I don’t really have the time or space to say it all (also as per usual). But I want to start by setting the stage with a class Duke University has recently begun sponsoring. Right off the bat many of you may already suspect which one I’m talking about and expectations of where I’m headed with this are already swirling in your head. I only ask that you continue exploring my points without expectation or pretense. Just delve in.

Pinterest.com

Duke University’s Women’s Center is a group with a vision “to understand and resist patriarchal oppression in our lives and the world.” Recently this group has begun organizing a nine week series of seminars to take speculative look at “toxic masculinity.” The aim is to “create a space of brotherhood fellowship dedicated to interrogating male privilege and patriarchy as it exists in our lives” and “to rework current narratives of masculinity for a healthier alternative; one that is inclusive, equitable and positive.” They plan to create a safe space surrounded by other men where they can ask the questions about feminism and masculinity as well as share their own personal narratives in an environment where they won’t feel they are being judged or mocked or belittled. I imagine it as a sort of AA meeting but perhaps that’s not the best metaphor.

Dukechronicle.com

Firstly, what is “toxic masculinity?”

The Chronicle, Duke’s newspaper, says, “Toxic masculinity is what encourages men to suffer in silence from depression, internalize stress instead of releasing it and develop unhealthy sexual attitudes that can manifest in abuse and assault.”

The Chronicle continues to defend the integrity of the seminars as being a space created “by men and for men” rather than a “reeducation camp” administered by a feminist organization with the intent simply of serving feminist goals.

I would really like this to be true and I’m not saying it’s not but I have to point this out, how can it be a “by men and for men” space when who it’s “by” is the Women’s Center of the University?

The issues of masculinity that the Men’s Project says it’s aiming to improve are, I believe, noble ones in many cases. Some issues that a lot of men face today as well as boys still becoming men who are trying to figure out what that means exactly; Issues such as the suppression of outwardly expressing anxiety, fear, depression, evenly brotherly love amongst other males, results in feelings of hopelessness and isolation. A man who does express these emotions, or god forbid CRIES is seen somehow as less of a man. These expectations of manhood have led to the overwhelming number of suicides amongst men. The CDC reports that men are four times more likely to take their own life and they account for 77.9% of all suicides. It also reports that women are more likely to have suicidal thoughts than men.

Now hold on a minute… the point of statistics is to draw conclusions from them. We can accurately and definitively count the number of suicides and attempted suicides because dead men tell no lies. Living ones, however, do. And I think what can be drawn from this is evidence of just how often men suppress their thoughts and feelings and therefore lie about having suicidal thoughts. If a society that compels men to hold everything in also sustains four times the number of male suicides than female, shouldn’t it be reasonable to assume that most men with suicidal thoughts simply aren’t reporting it?

Additionally, what’s interesting is the same society that makes men feel as though they can’t show weakness also mocks “machismo” and refers to men who spend a lot of time in the gym as “meatheads.” Though a girl spending time in the gym, staying fit and lean and toned is looked at as icon of beauty and female empowerment (though I do acknowledge that female bodybuilders receive quite a lot of hate perhaps differently than what male bodybuilders do).

What’s even more baffling though is a society that deems men as “meatheads” and “macho” for striving towards the strong, emotionless, stoic block of meat they expect him to be also mocks him when he drops that facade and sheds a tear.

Take for example the amount of hate and mocking that Tim Tebow received for crying after the 2011 SEC Championships against Alabama. This instance sparking much negative commentary such as the article on Heavy.com entitled “10 Things that made Tim Tebow Cry” where they proceed to mock him in many instances including when he was 10 years old crying over his dog that just got hit by a car. What kind of message is that supposed to send to boys trying to figure out what it means to be a man?

spyderonlines.com

Where is our out then? Is it nestled inside the barrel of a revolver?

The problem I have with Duke Men’s Program is that from an outside perspective it looks very much like a program run by feminists to teach men all the ways they should be ashamed of their being a man. If their intent really is to reach out to men suffering from the oppression and pressure that society puts on them to be emotionless with the exception of anger and aggression. To rewrite that narrative into one that doesn’t diminish one’s manhood simply because he cries, then that focus needs to be more clear because currently they are alienating a huge amount of men.

Self-proclaimed feminists that make fun of those using the phrase “not all men” are missing the fact that the rhetoric they often use does alienate some. It’s not that we don’t believe women face oppression from men but it’s that so much of the feminist rhetoric men hear is generalized and seems to lump all men into this oppressive category. What kind of meaningful dialogue and change can you really expect for these seminars when the PR for them sounds deceptively like, “all men are bastards?”

There is a lot of unreasonable stigma and pressure put on men to be “masculine” and so long as we continue this crusade against men and ignore our needs deemed simply as sexism against women, the gender divide will only become more definite.

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